What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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