In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
