I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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