I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
