Just fell off a train. Bad.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
