I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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