Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
