my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im holly from the hills drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You were trust falling into bushes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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