She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
