im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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