Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
