I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
