I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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