So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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