just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
