We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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