Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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