Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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