I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
