do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
