So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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