Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
