rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
