the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
