how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
