I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
