Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
