he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
vagina is talking i cant
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
