I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
