Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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