I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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