Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
