dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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