you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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