Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
