ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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