WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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