I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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