Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this hospital has no fireball
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
