just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
