So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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