Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
