he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
