Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
