we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
