So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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