so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize