wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
