Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
