Pants 0. Shit 1.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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