Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
