I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
