Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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