i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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