my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
