shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
