I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
