I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
