at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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