a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
