meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
