i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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