dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
