just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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