Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
