The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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