So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
