do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
