so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize