I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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