Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dicks are not precious.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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