The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
