I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
